Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
