so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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