I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
