Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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