I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
