I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize