been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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