I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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