I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
