i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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