he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
