it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
