glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
