Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
