Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
