So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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