Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
