so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
