Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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