and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
