shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize