Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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