watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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