My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
