I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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