i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bring money and cleavage
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
