I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
