I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were destined to go to rehab together
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wear drunk well.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
