every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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