it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
