Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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