Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
