This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
