hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
