remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
