I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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