K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
