Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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