I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
