I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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