On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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