I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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