Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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