just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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