I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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