But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is Oprah even human
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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