You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize