Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
