I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
