I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
