I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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