Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
