People in love make me want to vomit
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize