Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you had me at cake vodka
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
