This is not my ceiling
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Your penis caused this!
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