Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
