Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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