it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
