just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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