I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
