This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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