he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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