Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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