you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
