What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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