I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
