This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
