Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
