remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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