my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
