Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
