after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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