My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
