I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
