This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
