You can't special order awesome
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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