Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
