I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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