...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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