glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
