i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
