After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
