is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
