are you still at the devil's house?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
