Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
