i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize