maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
