I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
